I Have Holes In My Face (why i did it)

Have you ever felt like you were locked into a small cage?

That’s how I felt all my life growing up. My parents controlled everything I did. They told me how to dress and who to be friends with in school. And of course I was going to a 'girls only' school which meant I had never talked to a single guy other than my dad and my cousin Ralph.

One night, me and my dad got into a fight because he didn’t allow me to have a sleep over at my classmates home. My dad was worried about my classmates brother who was the same age as me. He thought we would make out and have a baby or something.

But I was 17 and so desperate for freedom, that that night I ran away from home and moved in with my cousin, Tara. My parents had no idea where I was and a crazy period in my life started. I made a complete 180 degree turn around and started partying every night. Then I got a big tattoo over my belly, just so I could send a photo of it to my dad to shock him.

When he responded back, he called me a disgrace and told me to come back as long as I was a virgin.
But I just replied “Oh, you are so naive dad.” And then I send him a photo of me kissing some random guy at a club.

I can’t describe how much I enjoyed making my dad angry. And I thought very hard about what could be the most extreme thing I could do to shock him.

But then I had the perfect idea. I would get 2 holes in my face. One on my left cheek and one on my right cheek.

It wasn’t easy to find a body piercer who was willing to put holes into my face. Most thought I had some psychological issue.

But where there is a will there's a way.
And when it was finally done. It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. I ran home. Went to the bathroom, and brushed my teeth through one of the 2 holes while taking a selfie.

Of course, I immediately sent it to my dad and said “this is all your fault”. It took him a whole day to respond, but all he said was “You are a disgrace. Don’t ever contact us again”.

It felt so good to make my dad angry. But it came at a great cost. I started to become more and more self-destructive and for Christmas I sent all my parents neighbours a postcard with my face on it.

I knew my dad cared a lot about his reputation. He wanted everyone to think we were the perfect family. But now everyone would see the truth.

This time my responded by contacting the authorities and telling them I was mentally ill and needed to be locked away. But when they found me and did a psychiatric assessment, it only said I was depressed. So they couldn’t lock me away into a psychiatric ward.

They also did a blood test on me and found out I was hepatitis B positive. I’m sure my boyfriend gave it to me. He slept with a new girl almost every night. And when we met we never used protection.

I had always looked up to pop stars who did whatever they wanted and partied like crazy. But that life didn’t make me happy. I’m still trying to get out of it. But my life is such big mess, I don’t even know where to start.

And by the way, why didn’t I just photoshop the 2 holes into my face on a photo? It would have been easier, faster and less painful. I could have still send a photoshopped image to my dad to make him angry. But now, my face is ruined forever.

Gosh, my life is a night mare.

Holes